This year has come with a lot of change for me.  For the record, I am not a fan of change, unless of course I am the one initiating it.  But, some change is beyond our control.  In August, after twelve years with the same company, I found myself laid off, and having to change directions mid-sail.  For me that meant, so many things.  I had to acknowledge and accept that so much of my identity was tied up in my job, and in the process, start to both reinvent and rediscover myself.  I had to make a shift from full time employee, to full time
stay at home mom and wife, while at the same time trying hard to hold on to some semblance of “me”, without feeling bitter and angry and hurt.

Truth of the matter, is that I had to go through all those emotions.  There were lows, but there were highs too.  I worried about how this change would affect my family, and my marriage   And, I was right to worry.  But, I was also wrong.  This experience has given me the opportunity to experience and fully grasp things that I don’t know that I would have ever seen otherwise.  Like… I married an amazing man, I mean I knew that, but.  In the day to day of life, you sometimes lose track of why God made your spouse “just for you”.  My hubby and I are soo very different, but he was able to step back and let me go through all the things I needed to go through.  While softly, reassuring me that he had my back, and that he loved me, and that we would be ok.  I got a chance to be at home with my little one.  She is 2 and with my other two children, at this time in their life, I was fully vested in my work.  I never got to hang out with them and color in the middle of the day, blow bubbles, or just be silly and laugh, except maybe on the weekends.  And, although I fear she is getting too attached to me, I wouldn’t pass up this opportunity, if it came around again.  I have had a chance to spend more time with my 8 year old, and see life through her eyes. and see how much like me she is.

I am writing this post with tears in my life, because my life is rich.  I am blessed and highly favored, and through no doing of my own, but simply by God’s grace in my life and the life of my family.