Being Human….

They say confession is good for the soul.  So here is my confession.  For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my time versus others time.  Even in my relationship with God.  When I want something I want it RIGHT NOW!!  I took comfort in the fact that this seemed to be the norm for my generation. After all, we were the first ones to really take advantage of sperm donors, surrogates and even instant Kraft Mac and Cheese.  You know the one  just individual consumption.

My mom always tells me that The Lord will keep putting certain things in my path until I learn how to effectively deal with it.  I have to say, I ALWAYS frown when she says that.  I mean really who wants to hear that.  That falls under the category of if you exercise more and eat better, you will lose weight…. NO… REALLY.

To that end, I was gifted with a child who could care less about my time.  Or anyone else’s for that matter she is sloooooooooowwwwwwww.  Even when she’s motivated she is still, say it with me,  sllllooow.  

This morning, my devotion read: August 6, 2014:  Maintain vitality in spiritual reality, and refuse to get stuck in the issues of life.  This is a time when you need to rise above emotional responses and all things that keep you in bondage, says the Lord.  It is My desire that you walk in freedom in all things.  Systematically extricate yourself from everything that opposes and prevents your complete liberty.  Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.

So as I felt myself getting heated this morning with her slowing around, I was immediately brought back to those words.  And, then as I was making her lunch and trying to bring myself down, so that I could be the patient loving Mom she deserves, I also remembered two devotions that I read yesterday from Daily Wisdom for Women 2013 Devotional Collection.

I will just take two small excerpts.  The first read. – “There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless around them.”  God weaves a life of tapestry for each of us; when we focus on the knotted thread, we don’t see any beauty.    The second one read – Sincere love clings to what is good.  Sincere love always protects.  It is always patient and kind.  It always seeks to bring honor to others.  Sincere love always builds up and never tears down.

There are some days when my God Whispers are more like screams for me to come back and find my refuge in him.  After I dropped her off at school, I was in the car on my way to the grocery store and the song Running back to you by Commissioned came on…

Some of the words —

“How can you forgive me, when I’ve often gone astray? How can you think of me, when I do things my way?  Turning my back from you, the one who loved me first, having my own desires, renewing worldly thirsts.  You told me you loved me and I should make up my mind.  You tell me come back now, but I keep wasting time.  Feeling so very week, you say I can be strong.  I feel I’ve gone too far, you tell me to come home… you love me still.  And, I know this is real… and I am running back to you, I see you are standing there for me.  You arms are open wide, and I don’t have to cry no more.  Your standing there for me and I am running back to you.  Why do I go away, when I know I am no good when I am on my own.”

I struggle with being easily frustrated and aggravated.  Whether its the kids, or my coworkers or just life in general.  In 2014, I said I would make a conscious  effort to keep my mind stayed on him, and not allow the things of this world to take such a toll on me.  Needless to say half way through the year, I am still needing constant reminders(just like my baby girl).  Thank God, I serve a God who is way more patient than I am.

Still a Work in Progress….